What do you do when your kid is really struggling in a class, even with tutoring?
It all depends…
They could withdraw.
They could gut it out and hopefully find some resources that can help them at least pass.
If it’s a class in their major, maybe stick it out. And if they fail, they may reconsider the major, or hopefully get a different prof the next time.
If it’s not in their major, then it doesn’t really matter that much.
Some things to keep in mind:
1) The grade in any particular, single class really doesn’t matter. It’s the cumulative that matters.
2) The cumulative really doesn’t matter. HUH?!? Seriously, it’s not worth the stress. Consider: the admissions office did the heavy lifting, admitting students with the absolute faith they could graduate. All the students have to do to get out is to roughly keep doing the things they did to get in. (And, if they are at a school with a reputation of academic rigor, accept the fact that they WILL have a lower GPA.) When they get out, they will have a degree with only one set of numbers: the date they received their diploma.
3) It’s simple math: if you manage to make more A’s than C’s and can get mostly B’s, you’ll wind up with a GPA over 3.0. And as long as you make more A’s than F’s, the ones you fail won’t pull you below a 2.0.
4) If you don’t fail a class (or two or three), you are either remarkably smart, incredibly on task, or not really venturing out of your comfort zone.
The best thing you can do for your kid is to tell them not to worry about it, that it just doesn’t matter. Tell them you know they are doing the best they can, but sometimes that might not be good enough. But it doesn’t matter. They’ll have good days and bad days. All that matters is that they just keep trying, knowing that you’ve got their back. Let them know that it’s ok to fail, that it’s ok to struggle. These are the days and times for them to learn how to deal with these challenges. That’s the beauty of this crucible they are in: the challenges are both real and ridiculous. Those that survive come out stronger and better equipped to take on the world than those that aren’t challenged.
One thing, though, to make sure your student is clear on is that they should only be measuring their efforts. I mean this in terms of whether they can honestly say they are doing their best. The worst thing they can do is to try to measure themselves against their peers. Kids can do serious mental damage trying to keep up with everyone else, especially in the classroom. All that matters is the efforts they make and whether they are able to string together more good days than bad ones. That, and to let you know when they feel they’re having more bad days than good ones.
A quick note about withdrawing from a class: Some people are under the impressions that graduate school applicants will be penalized if they drop more than one class during their undergraduate studies. As with anything in life, there are rules-of-thumb, but no absolutes. For the most part, it’s a matter of being able to articulate the thought behind the decision, to have an intelligent conversation about the situation that led to taking classes, let alone dropping them. Of course we would want a track record of seeing things through, but sometimes it just doesn’t work out that way. I would hate to see a kid get miserable to the point of mental, physical, and emotional exhaustion just because they felt their whole future would be jeopardized for sticking with a class that they probably shouldn’t be in.
So, let me wrap this up. Your kid feels he’s doing poorly. Tell him it’s ok. Tell him he has options and not to be afraid of bailing if that option makes the most sense. And tell him to get some fresh air.
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Full disclosure: I did graduate and my transcript reflects the entire spectrum of grades and notations. I did experience every situation described above and I know what it means to fail, to bail, and to sail.
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